Is it Friday Yet?

The last few days have really drug (pun intended) by for me. I almost feel as though I am in a time warp. I wanted to write about the meeting with Dee and Dum earlier this week, but work has zapped the creativity out of me. More on work later. For now, here’s the lowdown on the events from Sunday.

What a pleasure to be able to see Bug and Button once again and feel their warm, embracing hugs as they arrived at our house! “We’ve missed you Grammy!” Yes, we’ve missed you, too. More than you may ever know.

Needless to say, (“needless” - what a strange word for me to use – if it was needless then why am I saying it? Feeling a bit like the Mad Hatter, I guess). Having a discussion with Dee and Dum proved trying. It is always trying, but with the children present we could only talk when they were distracted for a few minutes.

Dee and Dum took every opportunity to tell us how intrusive we are in their lives. They are happy living in poverty and filth and neglecting their children. Why do we question their lifestyle? Can’t we just accept them as they are? Acceptance is another strange word. Acceptance usually refers to cases where a person experiences a situation or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit. Not certain we can ever completely give up on the protest part, but we are resigned to the fact that we cannot change it or totally exit the situation. Not with the grandkids welfare at stake.

Dealing with borderline personality disorder has been described as riding a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs. For us, dealing with Dee (and even Dum who enables her behaviors and probably has issues of his own) is more like driving a Toyota. One day you think you are comfortably driving along the freeway in your reliable car getting closer to your desired destination, and then suddenly the accelerator pedal sticks and you are careening out of control trying to apply the brakes to no avail. After Sunday’s discussion we again are driving along comfortably, but we know at any moment the car might be recalled again.

So, when Monday morning arrived, I was feeling pretty good about life until I got to work. Here’s what is zapping me into a funk (as I alluded to earlier). The company that acquired us cannot make a determination whether to proceed forward with the drug I was preparing to launch. Of course, they cannot admit that, so instead they have chosen to put a hold on various activities associated with launch preparation by not responding to requests for resources and not signing work orders. In essence, their unwillingness to take a decision is a decision, but I bet the attorneys don’t see it that way.

This leaves me (and many of my colleagues) with nothing to do all day. That may sound great to some people. Imagine getting paid (and, may I say, paid well) to sit around all day doing nothing. Sorry, but to me it is pure torture. Is it any wonder that drugs cost so much? My work ethic doesn’t allow me to be paid for doing nothing, so I am strongly considering handing in a letter informing them of my intent to Terminate for Good Reason.

According to the severance plan put in place prior to the acquisition I can do so and receive my severance if the Plan Administrator agrees that my duties have been diminished. It is not that I want to be out of a job, but I do want to be able to move on, and the company is dragging this out. If they drag it out long enough, they will not have to provide us with the severance plan the former company set forth. And if I don’t notify them of my intent to Terminate for Good Reason within sixty days of the event (currently at about thirty days if my records are correct), then I am at their mercy.

The situation is pretty tricky. I would be less concerned if the economy was better. There aren’t many pharmaceutical marketing jobs available where I live and I don’t want to relocate (although I may have to). Looks like I will have to reinvent myself at the age of 52 or win the lottery. Not certain which one provides the better odds.

Friday afternoon can not come too soon for me. Not long ago, I would be double- and triple-booked with meetings all day, and barely had time to respond to emails and calls. There is so much to do in preparation for a product launch! Now my days drag on as if the hands on the clock have chewing gum stuck to them. Well that statement clearly dates me! When is the last time you watched a clock with hands? (Well, I do believe the White Rabbit has a pocket watch with hands on it, so maybe it is more applicable than I thought).

Just so you understand how bored I am, let me recap the events thus far today:

• 8:30 AM. Arrive at office. Booted up computer (this, in itself, usually takes 10 minutes – hate the network). Opened up email. There were only six new messages (used to receive over 100 daily) and two were ads. One email was from my boss, saying he was working from home. I responded to him and asked him to send frequent emails so I have something to do. Printed out agenda for my 9:00 AM call.
• 9:00 AM. Dialed into teleconference. The call used to last an hour. Today it ended at 9:20.
• 9:20 AM. Reviewed a slide deck for a presentation for tomorrow.
• 10:00 AM. Sent my comments on necessary changes to presentation to my colleagues. Sent out emails to vendors to request March billing estimates by Friday.
• 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM. Received seven more emails – all were ads. Ate lunch at desk as all other marketing colleagues are out of the office (can you blame them?). Read most recent internet articles on Healthcare Reform. Did that yesterday, too. Still no emails from my boss.
• 1:30 PM. Receive email from colleague about position at a local pharmaceutical company. Nice of him to send, but I won’t be pursuing that opportunity. I had interviewed for a similar position there a few months ago but did not get an offer. Hard to say why but I suspect it had to do with a current employee there. You see she happened to be someone I knew a few years ago. She worked as a vendor for a brand I was on and had an affair with my married boss at the time. I suspect she did not want anyone joining the team that knew that much about her personal life. You’ve probably heard stories about all the crazy things that occur in the pharmaceutical industry. Well, for the most part they are all true.
• 2:00 PM. Went to the bathroom. Ate a piece of chocolate. Yes, stress eating is a problem and chocolate is one of mankind’s greatest stress relievers. Made myself a cup of tea. I really like the Chai Latte.
• 2:15 PM. Reading articles on Medscape. Came across one on the stereotypical portrayals of nurses by Hollywood. Found it interesting as I am a nurse as well as a pharmaceutical marketer. The article whined about how disrespectful Hollywood is to nurses. Really? We are disrespectful to ourselves. We don’t promote our profession. We accept unsafe working conditions and low wages. I was so incensed I actually commented on the article in an associated blog. Got to love blogs!
• 3:00 PM. Just finished my cup of tea. Took an hour to sip it to keep myself occupied. Unfortunately it did get rather cold. Three more emails came in. Only one of the three was related to work. It was about a contract amendment. Fat chance that one will be signed under these circumstances. I responded by saying the VP is out of town (which is true), so a signature cannot be obtained this week. Went back and read further comments on the nursing article. Already over 80 comments posted to the blog. Wish I could get that many readers. Going to go to the bathroom again. That’s the great thing about having a cup of tea. Keeps you occupied with sipping it for a long while and then helps to keep you busy with frequent trips to the bathroom.
• 4:00 PM. No additional emails in the last hour. Not even an ad. Guess I will pack it up for the day and go home. Tomorrow should be better – I actually have two meetings on the calendar!

Lady in Waiting

Well, after various email rages from Dee, she finally agreed to meet with us. Tomorrow is the day. She and Dum will come to our home with the children. You see, even though she insisted she needed to find someone to watch the kids so we could meet, she has been unable to do so. That is because she has no one to turn to but us for support. She has absolutely no friends in the area. Imagine living somewhere for over four years and never establishing a lasting relationship. I feel sorry for her, but without therapy things will never change for her.

When she spoke with her father last night to set up the meeting, it was if nothing had happened. Very characteristic for a BPD. Nothing is predictable or normal.

Don't know how things will go, but at least we will get to see the children. We can tell them we love them and hope we can continue to provide them with some type of normal life.

On the work front, things are going down hill rapidly. Basically, my new "old" management is up to their usual tricks and my projects are mostly on hold. With little hope to keep my current position, I am interviewing for a job that will require me to relocate on the west coast. Good company, good job...just no desire to leave my beloved southern home.

Tomorrow is a big day -- I suspect I will need to write a lot.

Fearful Female Over 50 Stuck in Blunderland

Dear Reader,



Today I begin my first blog. If you would have told me I would be doing this a few years ago, I never would have believed you. That wouldn't be according to my plan. Funny thing about my plan -- God laughed at it. He has other ideas.



And I guess that is why I am blogging. My life is in a state of disarray, and I need someone to talk to about my frustrations. No, dear reader, it is not as if I have no one to talk to about my problems. But, the number of negatives in my life seem to be growing just like Alice did when she took a nibble from the cake that said "Eat me." And frankly, I would rather spend my time with friends talking about positive things. So, I am counting on you, dear reader to be my outlet, or like the characters in Alice in Wonderland, I am apt to go mad. And who knows? As I work through my problems, maybe the lessons I learn can be of help to you as well.



I don't think my problems are unique. It's just there are so many at one time! Maybe you can identify with a some of them. Let's dish about a few right now:

• My current company was recently acquired by my former company (talk about falling down a rabbit hole), and I may, for the first time in my life, be joining the ranks of the unemployed at an age I once had envisioned would be my retirement age


• Why not just retire, you say? Well, my husband amassed a huge amount of debt without my knowledge to try to keep his business running and I have been trying to pay it off for the last three years (got to love the ability to open endless credit cards -- thanks BOA)


• So your career is going down the tubes and you're in debt up to your ears. Surely, your loving family balances those negatives? Not exactly. I have two wonderful grandchildren who I love dearly, and they feel the same about me. However, my stepdaughter (their mother) is mentally ill (this is not a snarky comment, she really is), and is threatening to cut off all ties with us


• Hm mm...does sound pretty depressing. Anything else? Yes. My faithful dog is very ill and I am likely to lose him in the coming days

So, is it any wonder that I need to blog? Now that you know the issues, I hope you come back to see how things unfold in Blunderland. I promise not to bore you with endless bad analogies to the Lewis Carroll classic with ever post.